Growing up, discipline was simple and absolute.
Bad behavior meant corporal punishment.
Not time-outs.
Not lost privileges.
Not conversations.
I didn't learn boundaries through explanation—I learned them through fear.
That kind of lesson stays with you.
What Pain Taught Me—and What It Didn't
As a child, punishment ended behavior quickly. That much is true.
But it didn't teach understanding.
It didn't build trust.
It didn't explain why something was wrong—only that it was dangerous to repeat.
What I learned was compliance, not character.
And that distinction matters now.
Doing the Opposite on Purpose
Many things learned in childhood follow us into adulthood. Others push us to react in the opposite direction.
For me, discipline became something I approached with hesitation instead of instinct.
There have been a few moments when I've spanked my kids—but those moments weigh on me. They don't feel corrective. They feel like failure.
It saddens me that my mind would ever even go there.
So instead, I lead with care.
TLC.
Conversation.
Guidance.
Patience.
Corporal punishment is rarely even a thought.
The Question That Won't Leave Me Alone
And yet—if I'm honest—I wonder.
Would my kids be better behaved if I used less care and more toughness?
Would stricter discipline create clearer boundaries?
Have I overcorrected?
These aren't questions rooted in anger. They're rooted in responsibility.
I don't want obedient children—I want capable ones.
But I also don't want permissive parenting disguised as kindness.
That balance is harder than it sounds.
Letting Life Teach What I Don't
Recently, a conversation stuck with me.
Sometimes, kids need to explore.
Sometimes, they need to get hurt—not dangerously, but naturally.
Not punished. Not rewarded. Just allowed to learn.
No lecture.
No consequence manufactured by authority.
Just reality saying, "That was a bad idea."
There's something powerful about that kind of lesson—one that doesn't come from me, but from experience itself.
Discipline Without Damage
"The rod of discipline..." — Proverbs 22:15
I don't read that verse as permission for harm.
I read it as a reminder that discipline matters—but the form it takes requires wisdom.
Discipline should guide, not scare.
Correct, not crush.
Shape, not scar.
I'm still learning what that looks like in practice.
What I'm Choosing—for Now
I choose care over fear.
I choose guidance over force.
I choose presence over power.
That doesn't mean I have it figured out. It means I'm paying attention.
Fatherhood has taught me that discipline isn't about controlling behavior—it's about shaping person who can function when control is gone.
And while I still question myself, I know this much:
I refuse to pass down pain simply because it once passed through me.