Journal · Reflective

Small Wins, Heavy Thoughts, and Trying Anyway

Trying to work, trying to love, and still showing up

Summary
Between school runs, doctor visits, and my first lawn job back in years, the day carried both small wins and quiet frustrations. I'm trying to rebuild income, encourage dreams, and stay present in a life that feels increasingly resistant to forward motion—but I showed up anyway.
By A Work in Progress
Jan 27, 2026

A Monday Morning Routine

January 26, 2026 started like most Monday mornings—gettin the kids off to school and settling into the usual routine. Once that was done, I took Eve to get her blood work done. She jokingly calls it "getting stabbed by the vampires" and likes to tease me about how I let people stab her. While we were there, we ended up chatting with the woman drawing her blood about Eve's interest in becoming a phlebotomist.

The irony wasn't lost on any of us—Eve doesn't like needles. When I pointd that out, Eve laughed and said it's different when you're the one doing the poking. The phlebotomist chimed in and confirmed that, yes, you still have to practice on real people while learning. We all laughed about it, but underneath the joking, I genuinely tried to encourage Eve. I told her I'd help her get her GED so she could pursue college if that's the path she wants. I believe in pushing people toward their dreams, even when they're scared of parts of the process.

A Brief Pause

After the appointment, we stopped by my house for a bit and watched Big Momma's House. It was one of those moments meant to be light and easy. I tried to be close with her, but she wasn't in the mood, and I didn't push it. I took her home shortly after, then headed out to pick up the kids from school.

Back to Landscaping — A Small Win

After dropping Isabella off, I went out to mow, weed eat, and blow a yard for a woman who needed some work done. It was my first lawn job since getting back into landscaping. Nearly two hours later—counting drive time—I made $33, minus expenses.

Financially, it wasn't great. But emotionally? It mattered.

I've owned and worked in landscaping on and off for 18 years, more on than off. It never made me rich, but it sustained me, and there were brief seasons where it was actually decent income. Now, it feels harder than ever. Online advertising—especially free, organic posting—is completely saturated. If you're not popular or paying for ads, your posts disappear into nothing.

Door-to-door work isn't much better anymore. People don't see someone trying to earn an honest living—they see a "suspicious person" and talk about calling the police. Since when did trying to work and support your family become something people look down on? At least I'm trying to earn money the right way instead of doing something illegal just to survive.

An Awkward but Human Moment

Later that evening, I went back to Eve's house and spent some time with her. She wanted to cuddle, and I thought it would just be a few quiet minutes before she fell asleep. Things shifted in a different direction, and the situation quickly became a little... awkward.

Her room doesn't have a door, and privacy is basically nonexistent. At one point, her mom could clearly tell what was going on. Instead of embarrassment or tension, though, her mom brushed it off with humor and honesty—human nature, nothing to be ashamed of. Eve herself doesn't seem bothered by others knowing or hearing, which still takes some adjusting for me.

Ending the Day

After everything settled down, I went home, played my game for a little while, and finally went to bed. It wasn't a perfect day. It wasn't a terrible one either. It was one of those days made up of small moments—some encouraging, some frustrating, some uncomfortable—but all real.

And right now, real is enough.

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Tags

#adaptability #endurance #family dynamics #fatherhood #perseverance #relationships #responsibility #stress

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