Waking Up Already Behind
January 1, 2026—the very first day of a new year—didn't arrive gently.
I woke up around 9:45am, later than usual, mostly because Eve and I hadn't fallen asleep until well after 4:30am. She woke up around the same time, which surprised me, since she usually needs more rest than that.
The kids, however, had already been awake for a while.
The house was loud, busy, and already slipping into chaos. Toys were everywhere. Energy levels were high. Supervision felt harder than it should've been—not because anyone was doing something wrong, but because too many moving parts collided at once.
It felt like the day started at full speed without asking if anyone was ready.
Noise, Movement, and Too Much at Once
Throughout the morning and early afternoon, the kids stayed active—curious, energetic, expressive in the way kids are when they're excited and restless at the same time. Breakfast happened. Some ate well, some didn't. Messes multiplied faster than they could be contained.
No one person was the problem. It was simply one of those days where energy feeds energy, and the house never quite settles.
I could feel myself getting overwhelmed—not angry, just stretched thin.
Bad News Piling Up
As the day went on, the weight started stacking.
I found out a bill had increased unexpectedly—sooner than I'd planned for. That alone wouldn't have broken me, but it landed at a moment when things already felt tight. It's been a long time since I've had to worry about falling behind, and realizing I was suddenly closer to that edge than I'm used to hit harder than I expected.
Not long after, my mother learned that her household support account had been reduced significantly. That account helps cover basic necessities, so the news wasn't just frustrating—it was stressful.
Then my car started acting up.
That one really stuck with me. Our vehicle isn't just transportation—it's stability. The thought of it failing without a clear backup plan added another layer of anxiety I didn't need on day one of a new year.
I didn't spiral—but I felt it all at once.
Comparisons I Didn't Ask For
Before dinner, I took Eve and the kids home. I briefly crossed paths with The Sister, and that stirred emotions I wish hadn't resurfaced.
Seeing her, knowing how differently she's been showing up for someone else, reopened old questions. The kind that don't ask for answers—they just ache.
I've spent a lot of time wondering how different things might've been if I'd been treated with even a fraction of the care I now see given elsewhere. And while I know comparison isn't healthy, sometimes it sneaks in anyway.
At the same time, I can recognize that what looks good from a distance isn't always peaceful up close.
Ending the Day Quietly
Later, Eve and I made a quick stop for a few necessities, then I brought her home. After that, it was just Isabella and me.
I made Isabella a plate of dinner. We ate. I put on Stranger Things for a bit—something familiar to anchor the night—then decided to turn in early.
The day had taken more than it gave.
Before bed, I had a short conversation with Eve's mom. She gently suggested that I share my concerns openly and that maybe Eve and I should take a walk together—just the two of us, no kids—soon.
I didn't answer right away.
But I'm thinking about it.
Closing the First Day
The first day of a new year didn't come with clarity or excitement.
It came with messes, stress, unexpected news, and reminders that life doesn't reset just because the calendar does.
Still, I showed up.
I didn't shut down.
And I ended the day choosing rest instead of reaction.
Maybe that's enough for day one.
The year is long.
And tomorrow is another chance to step into it a little steadier than today.