January 8, 2026 started the way many do lately—coffee in hand, cleaning what I could, and getting Isabella, Zion, and Joey to school. There's a comfort in routine, even when it feels repetitive. It gives the day some shape before it decides to take on one of its own.
Around 10:00am, I went to Eve's house. We laid down together quietly for a few minutes—just resting in the same space—before deciding to get up and head to The Up Store in Orlando. It was better stocked than the last time, which felt like a small victory. We only spent about thirteen dollars, but managed to walk away with quite a bit. Those kinds of wins feel bigger when resources are tight.
Afterward, I dropped Eve bck home and headed out to pick up the kids from school.
Back Home, But Not Fully Settled
Once home, I did what I usually do—some cleaning, some computer work, and a bit of The Resident playing in the background. Dinner was steak. Isabella fell asleep shortly after eating, which opened the door to a quieter evening.
But before dinner, there was a moment that sat heavier than the rest of the day.
An Uncomfortable Conversation
I had another difficult conversation with Eve—one we seem to circle back to.
She isn't an emotional person. She knows that about herself, and I know it about her too. But knowing it doesn't alwys make it easier. Sometimes it leaves me wondering if I'm pouring into something that will never fully meet me where I am.
Will she ever love me the way I hope?
Will she ever accept a compliment without deflecting it into a joke?
Will calling her beautiful ever land the way I mean it?
Those thoughts linger longer than I want them to.
At one point, I stopped responding to her messages—not out of punishment, just exhaustion. That silence worried her. It worried her mom too. She ended up calling me directly, and I reluctantly answered.
Eventually, I started talking again.
I always do.
Not because the questions disappear—but because connection still matters to me, even when it feels uncertain.
Letting the Night Unfold
Later in the evening, after Isabella was asleep, I went back to Eve's house. We spent most of the night listening to music together. At some point, The Sister and The Other Guy were there as well.
I'll admit—at first, I reacted out of old habit. I played music I knew The Sister liked, half-aware that I was trying to provoke something. It didn't work. She seemed cheerful, relaxed, unbothered. Whatever mood she was in that night wasn't tied to me.
And that realization did something important.
I stopped paying attention to her entirely.
Redirecting What Matters
Instead, I focused fully on Eve.
I gave her my attention. My affection. My presence—without performance or comparison. Toward the end of the night, I laid my head in her lap and held her there. No words needed. No proving anything.
Just being.
That moment felt more real than anything else that night.
Ending the Day
Eventually, I went home and crawled into bed. Sleep came lightly and in fragments, never fully settling in.
I didn't resolve my doubts.
I didn't get answers.
But I made a choice.
I chose where to place my energy—even while carrying uncertainty. And for now, that feels like the most honest place I can stand.
Tomorrow can decide the rest.